Following a string of controversies, Liverpool's Luis Suarez has been charged with "incredibly improper conduct" by The FA for continuing to exist. The newly invented charge carries the potential of a lifetime ban if Suarez is found guilty of existing.
"Between the diving, the alleged racism against Patrice Evra and the middle finger to Fulham fans, we think it's clear that Luis Suarez is without a doubt the worst human ever," said an FA spokesman. "Plus, he has those teeth and there was that deliberate handball in the World Cup that he was appropriately punished for but still benefited his team. That had nothing to do with us, but it was still annoying. Basically, everything he does is awful."
Suarez was not reached for comment, because he probably would've just said something about how he loves to kick babies.
The Uruguayan striker will be given a chance to defend himself against this charge before The FA, but since appearing at FA headquarters would prove his existence, and thus, his guilt, he may choose not to do that.
Photo: Getty
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