AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:
1. MY MISTAKE AGAINST ROMA -- OHMYGOD I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST REMEMBER TRYING TO DO A COOL JACKIE CHAN MOVE AND THEN I FORGOT HOW GOOD I AM AT JUMPING AND THEN THEY SCORED AND THEN I DRANK PAINT THINNER ALL NIGHT LONG!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME PERROTTA?!?!?!?!?! I'M ADDING YOU TO MY LIST OF PEOPLE TO BEAT WITH A JAR OF VITAMINS!!!!!!!!
2. THE ANNOYING COMMENTATOR WHO FREAKED OUT WHEN PERROTTA SCORED -- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!?!?!??!?! I JUST SUFFERED THROUGH A HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE AND YOU'RE CELEBRATING LIKE A RABID SQUIRREL HAVING A SEIZURE AFTER WATCHING JAPANESE ANIMATION!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S MEAN!!!!!! THAT IS SO MEAN!!!!!!! IF YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN I WILL BAKE YOU A CAKE FILLED WITH FIRE ANTS AND DEPRESSION!!!!!!!!!!!
3. GOALKEEPER WHO CELEBRATED TOO QUICKLY -- AT FIRST I WAS THANKFUL THAT I'M NOT THIS GUY!!!!!!!! BUT THEN I THOUGHT ABOUT HOW THAT COULD HAPPEN TO ME TOO AND I GOT ANGRY!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH GETTING ANGRY WHEN YOU ARE ALREADY VERY ANGRY IS INCREDIBLY TAXING!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. CORN -- I WAS PREPARED TO PLACE FULL BLAME FOR PERROTTA'S GOAL ON THE EVIL CORN MENACE THAT WILL SOON RULE THIS PLANET WITHOUT MERCY OR REAL SUGAR BUT THEN I REALIZED THAT I HAVE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY OWN ACTONS SOMETIMES!!!!!! SO I WENT TO THE MARKET AND PUNCHED ALL THE CORN THEY HAD UNTIL SEVERAL PEOPLE STOPPED TO STARE AT ME AND I GOT EMBARRASSED!!!!!!! SCREW YOU CORN!!!!!!! SCREW YOU TO SPACE!!!!!!!!
5. SWISS FANS' TENNIS BALL PROTEST -- DON'T DO THAT!!!!!!!! THAT'S A WASTE OF PERFECTLY GOOD TENNIS BALLS!!!!!!!! IF YOU WANT TO PROTEST THROW HANDFULS OF TOOTHPASTE LIKE NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS!!!!!!!
6. ATLETICO PLAYERS COMPLAINING ABOUT RONALDO'S TRICK -- JUST BECAUSE HE MADE YOU LOOK BAD DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD BE A JERK TO HIM ABOUT IT!!!!!!! FOR EXAMPLE AFTER PERROTTA SCORED ON ME I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO HIM!!!!!!! I DID TRY TO TURN HIS BRAINSTEM INTO MASHED POTATOES BUT THAT WAS OVER A COMPLETELY UNRELATED MATTER!!!!!!!
7. GOALKEEPER WHO KICKED BALL OFF HIS TEAMMATES HEAD TO SCORE AN OWN GOAL -- THIS!!!!! WAS!!!!! AWFUL!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'VE HAD NIGHTMARES ABOUT THIS ALL WEEK AND HAVEN'T EVEN FALLEN ASLEEP ONCE SINCE I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!! I'VE BEEN WATCHING THE LITTLE MERMAID ON A LOOP TO TRY AND GET THE BAD THOUGHTS OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!! IT'S STARTING TO WORK BUT ONLY BECAUSE FLOUNDER IS SUCH AN AMAZING CHARACTER!!!!!!!!
8. PIQUE'S LATEST PRANK -- THROWING STUFF AT PEOPLE IS NOT NICE AT ALL!!!!!!!! UNLESS IT'S HANDFULS OF TOOTHPASTE!!!!!!! THEN IT'S ACTUALLY OK AND VERY MUCH SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE!!!!!!
9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- AS YOU CAN IMAGINE I HAVEN'T BEEN IN THE BEST MOOD THE LAST FEW DAYS!!!!!!!!! SO WHEN MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI CAME OVER TO MY HOUSE ON THURSDAY MORNING TO CHEER ME UP IT DIDN'T EXACTLY TURN INTO AN EPISODE OF THE BEST TV SHOW EVER GLEE!!!!!!! HE TOLD ME NOT TO WORRY ABOUT MY MISTAKE SINCE IT'S HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE AND I GOT OVER IT EVERY OTHER TIME AND I SAID "THANKS FOR REMINDING ME DAN!!!!!!!!" BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY THAT WASN'T NEARLY AS SARCASTIC AS IT PROBABLY SOUNDS!!!!!!!! THEN HE OFFERED TO TAKE ME OUT TO BREAKFAST AND I SAID "NO THANKS I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE FOR A WHILE!!!!!!" BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY THAT WAS VERY SARCASTIC AND HOPEFULLY EXPRESSED HOW MUCH I WANT TO PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!!!!!!!!! ANYWAY WE WENT TO BREAKFAST AND THE RESTAURANT DIDN'T HAVE ANY BACON WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE SO I FLIPPED THE TABLE AND LEFT!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH I HOPE THAT RESTAURANT CATCHES ON FIRE WHEN NO ONE IS IN IT AND THEIR INSURANCE DOESN'T COME THROUGH!!!!!!!!
I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!
Source: http://sports.yahoo.com/soccer/blog/dirty-tackle/post/Artur-Boruc-s-Friday-Rage-List?urn=sow-285032
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